Enough
by 68luvcarter
Summary: A dead marine reveals a part of McGee's life the team never knew about.


I DO NOT OWN NCIS OR THE CHARACTERS.

I knew when I woke up this morning it was going to be a bad day. My alarm hadn't gone off, I spilled coffee on my jacket and my car had a flat; definitely a bad day. I hurried off the elevator and over to my desk with a quick, "sorry boss," hoping Gibbs wouldn't do bodily harm. He glared at me but made no effort to cross the floor for a head slap, at least not yet.

"Probie, who was he?" Tony asks with a smirk.

"No one made me late, Tony, just a bad morning," I reply.

"I am sorry your morning has been a bad one, McGee," Ziva said with a smile. "Perhaps that means the rest of your day can only get better."

I smile at Ziva and after a quick glance at the annoyed glare on Gibbs face, I jump into work.

We hadn't had a new case in a few days so we had been working on a few cold cases, looking for new leads. It was frustrating work. I liked the research but after a few days we were all ready for something a little more mentally stimulating. It would be nice to be able to work a case where I could actually see progress. I never feel like I accomplish anything working cold cases, people move on, places change.

When Gibbs phone rang we all sat up a little straighter waiting for the word.

"Dead marine at Norfolk," Gibbs stated as he stood to gather his gear. "Let's go."

Tony, Ziva and I hurriedly grabbed our guns and IDs and followed Gibbs to the elevators.

"Shotgun!" Tony and Ziva both exclaimed, glancing quickly at each other as the elevator doors shut.

I felt a quick slap to the back of my head and turned to look at Gibbs.

"Boss?" I asked.

"You were late," Gibbs said, a slight smile curving his mouth.

"Yes, boss," I answered.

Tony and Ziva had left me alone to gather the gear from the truck while they followed Gibbs inside the small, single story house on Westcott Street. When I walked in the front door Ziva had already started taking photos and Tony was walking back over from speaking to the LEOs.

"Martin Hastings, age 32, marine for 10 years, sergeant for 4 years, boss," Tony stated. "Probie, what took so long? You gonna be late for everything today?"

"Probie!"

"McGee?"

I glanced quickly to the body lying dead on the couch. I couldn't find my voice to answer. Martin Hastings was dead. Laying in his pajamas the man that had tormented me for years was dead. I was frozen in place from the shock.

"McGee!" Gibbs yelled, startling me. "I asked if you know him."

My mouth was moving but no sound was coming out. There was a rush of noise in my ears.

"Timothy, are you alright?" Ducky said as he laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Ducky? When did you get here?" I whispered when I felt the light touch.

"McGee, he has been here for 10 minutes. Do you know this man? Are you alright?" Ziva asked with a look of concern.

Nodding I answered, "He was someone I went to school with but I haven't seen him in a really long time."

"Wait in the truck, McGee." Gibbs spoke softly.

"I.. I.. It's okay, boss. We…we weren't friends. I knew him from college. It was just a surprise that I recognized the name. I'm okay, really." I answered quickly.

Gibbs studied my face a few minutes before nodding for us to resume work. Ziva finished the photos while Tony and I checked the house. Gibbs stood over Ducky's shoulder and waited for his findings. Nothing seemed off. There was no blood, no mess. It looked as if Hastings had just gone to sleep on the couch and never woke up.

"How long has he been dead, Ducky?" Gibbs asked as he leaned to peer over Ducky's shoulder.

"Liver probe shows approximately 6-8 hours, no outward cause of death so I will have to get him home to determine," Ducky answered as he and Jimmy loaded the body on to the gurney.

"Thanks Duck." Gibbs said as he walked towards Tony, Ziva and I. "Anything?"

"No signs of a struggle, no blood, nothing looks disturbed Gibbs," Ziva said as we continued our search of the house.

An hour later and one final glance and we wordlessly headed back to the truck.

Tony and I carried what little we had down to Abby for her to work her magic and per Gibbs instructions I stayed behind to work on Hastings computer. There was no great revelation made after working on his computer, no unexplained findings with the items Abby had discovered. Ducky couldn't find any reason why this 32 year old marine in what looked to be excellent health was suddenly dead. By the time 8:00 pm. had rolled around we had nothing.

"Blood work we have is normal but I'm still waiting on the tox screen. No other abnormalities," Abby said. "No fingerprints that weren't his on his equipment."

"No bruising of any kind on the body," Ducky began. "Liver shows a slight disparity but x-rays show absolutely nothing to explain his death. I did find a small mark on his scalp that appears it could be a needle mark. If I were to hazard a guess I would say perhaps he was poisoned but until the tox screen returns I won't know for sure," Ducky answered.

"No files that I could find hidden on the computer, boss, but I'll keep looking. Doesn't appear that he even used it that much, a few games, some e-mails from family but that's pretty much all," I added.

"I talked to his CO and fellow marines but no one was aware of any health issues, no problems with anyone else to their knowledge," Tony said with a sigh.

"I talked to his family and his girlfriend but they were also not aware of any changes in behavior, he mentioned nothing that he was upset about, nothing that was bothering him," Ziva spoke.

"Well something happened to him," Gibbs said. "Go home and get some rest, we'll start again at 0700."

I couldn't sleep. I hadn't seen Hastings since I joined NCIS and honestly hadn't missed him. I moved around a lot with my dad in the Navy and my family hadn't settled down anywhere for long. I had skipped a couple of years of high school so I was younger than my college classmates, a computer geek, the new kid, name your cliché. So I knew school would be hard but I didn't know just how bad it would be until I met Hastings and his friends. Former football jocks, Hastings, Jeffery Dillingham and Bobby Wester had taken one look at me and decided I was the enemy. They were determined to make my life miserable. I didn't think it could get any worse… until I met Shelly Meeks.

I met Shelly during my second week at school and knew I would fall in love with her. She was sweet and beautiful and her voice was like honey.

It was a hopeless case.

She was Martin Hastings girlfriend.

I spent a big part of my college years finding ways to avoid the three jocks but they always seem to track me down. I never told anyone. I could hide bruises and explain away torn, dirty clothes as careless behavior. I just tried to make sure they never saw me before I could make it to my room.

When Shelly found out what her boyfriend and his cohorts were up to she tried to come to my aid. Unfortunately I knew this would not help. Instead things got worse. Hastings already hated me and now that his girlfriend was taking up for me…it wasn't going to be pretty.

When I was finally able to drift off to sleep it was after 2:00 and the nightmares came. Memories of the beatings I suffered at their hands, the horrible things they said that actually hurt much worse than the fists flitted through my brain. Through it all was Shelly, haunting my dreams, begging for Hastings to stop tormenting me. Smiling at me so sweetly and then disappearing.

Gone.

By the time my alarm went off I was more exhausted than before I had went to bed.

I stood in the cool spray of the shower trying to ready myself for the day. Shaking the thoughts of Shelly and Hastings from my mind, I drove to work, diving back into the computer looking for anything to explain a death for which I couldn't feel any sorrow.

"Anything Abs?" Gibbs began.

"Gibbs….Gibbs….Gibbs. I couldn't find anything unusual on the evidence but I talked to Ducky this morning and he told me he found a very small mark on Hastings scalp. He said it looked to be a needle mark but the general tox screen didn't show anything so I ran a comprehensive panel. Guess what your marine was poisoned with, Gibbs? You're never gonna guess," Abby paused to take a breath.

"Are you gonna tell me, Abs?" Gibbs questioned after a momentary pause.

"Sergeant Hastings was injected with passion flower extract. It's sometimes used to treat insomnia but the normal dosage is 200mg at night. It reduces motor activity and causes central nervous system sedation. Hastings was given 5 times the normal dosage and when he went to sleep he just didn't wake up," Abby finished.

"Update!" Gibbs called as he walked off the elevator.

"Boss, this guy's record may have looked good on paper but after talking to some of his lower classmen it turns out he was not a popular guy. He was a bully, took advantage of his higher ranking, used threats and was just an all-around ass," Tony exclaimed.

"I spoke again to the girlfriend, Ashley Cisney, and she admitted they had recently parted ways. Seems our marine was a bully not only in the uniform. Ms. Cisney had agreed not to press assault and battery charges if Hastings would just go away and not come back," Ziva added.

"Sounds right," I muttered.

"What's that McGee?" Gibbs turned to face me. "You knew the guy was abusive and didn't say anything?"

"I knew he was to me, boss. I didn't know if he still…" I started.

"Probie, you know if he done it then he was bound to be doing the same now," Tony interrupted.

"I know," I sighed, "but I didn't want to color the case until we had all the facts. I didn't like the guy then and I didn't want anyone to think it was my past issues with him making me bad mouth him."

"Just what are those issues, McGee?" Gibbs asked with a raised brow. "Are you sure you should be working this case?"

I sighed. "Probably not," I answered shocking all three of them. "Hastings and his friends like to use me for a punching bag in school. But he hated me the most because…"

"Because what McGeek? You throw the curve? Teachers liked you better? What? Why did he hate you?" Tony pushed.

With a deep breath I looked at Gibbs, "he hated me boss because I stole his girlfriend."

Tony burst out laughing, "Oh, that's a good one McJokey. You're telling us that his girlfriend dumped him for a geek?"

A quick glare at Tony to quiet his laughter, Gibbs told us to follow him downstairs.

We went to Abby's lab and after first checking that she had no new information Gibbs told me to start talking. I turned away from them and walked to the window. I knew this was going to be hard. Taking another deep breath I turned back to Gibbs and told him about Shelly.

"I moved around a lot with my dad's job and you know, as Tony likes to point out,

I was a geek," I started.

"Was a geek?" Tony interrupted but stopped talking after a quick glare from Gibbs.

"You also know I had skipped a couple of grades so I was younger than anyone else in my class. Hastings and I literally ran into each other in the hallway my first day of school. He was with a couple of buddies. They started pushing me around, knocking my books to the ground; you know the usual things jocks do to the nerds. I dealt with it on my own, never told anyone anything. It's not like it was the first time I had encountered guys like him," I turned back to the window to continue.

"I met Shelly when she transferred to my English Lit class the second week I was there. She was beautiful, smart and so sweet. She was kind to everyone. We were seated close together, McGee and Meeks. It wasn't until a week later that I found out Hastings was her boyfriend. After that he made a point of tracking me down just for no other reason than to make my life miserable."

"I tried to stay away from Shelly, I knew things were only going to get worse if I didn't but she was….perfect. She was so beautiful and she didn't get a glazed look on her face when I started rambling about computers," I smiled as I turned to glance at my team.

"She told him she was fed up with the bullying behavior. She didn't like him being mean to the other students including me. He kept pushing, thinking she would never break up with the popular football jock. He really didn't know her very well," I smiled again.

"Finally she told him it was over. She and I didn't start dating right away but we were friends. If there was a dance or party, we went together. She wasn't ready for another boyfriend and I was just happy to have her around. It wasn't until a few months later that things changed between us. Hastings could see it happening and he was relentless in trying to hurt me and get her back but he was too late. We were in love."

"We were together for two years. Hastings faded into the background when he realized getting her back was a lost cause. Didn't mean he was any nicer to me, just that he would only hit me if I was around. He didn't actually look for me to do it anymore.

Shelly and I got an apartment off campus together and a few months later I asked her to marry me," I heard Abby gasp at that but I didn't stop talking.

I could hear the monotone of my voice as I faded back into the memories.

"We were on our way back to school after the Christmas holiday. The wedding was two weeks away. We stopped at a gas station on the outskirts of town and there he was. Hastings. As soon as he saw us it was like it had never stopped, he was pushing, relentless, drunk. I paid for the gas as quickly as I could and we got in the car to leave. He wouldn't go away, kept grabbing my car door, yelling obscenities. We pulled away from the station, Shelly was upset and I was holding her hand, trying to calm her down so I didn't see him get in his car and follow us. We had made it about 5 miles before he started trying to run us off the road."

Ziva made a funny noise and I glanced around. They were all watching me in shock but no one was saying anything so I continued.

"I fought to keep the car on the road. There wasn't anything ahead of us for awhile so I knew I had to get the car turned around and get back to town for help. He cut me off and I swerved to miss his car but I lost control. The car flipped, Shelly was screaming and I couldn't find her hand anymore. I blacked out; when I woke up Hastings was gone and Shelly was dead."

The room was silent.

"He didn't have a record of this" Gibbs said softly.

"No one believed me," I answered looking him in the eyes.

I knew when they heard what had happened; Gibbs would have to remove me from the case. Tony and Ziva went out of their way to be nice, no jokes, and no games. Every time I ran into Ducky or Jimmy they would just look at me with sadness and Abby…ah Abby decided to kill me with kindness.

With every trip I made to the lab or she made to the office she would have to give me a hug or try to make me smile. It was sweet but I didn't want them to treat me different. I was still the same. I thought this must be why Gibbs never talks about Shannon or Kelly. The kind gestures, the sad looks only seem to make things worse.

The passion flower extract had been enough to put Hastings in a permanent sleep, no pain with death just a slight change in his liver where his body had tried to filter it without success.

He didn't die in fear or pain and a part of me hated that. Why did he get off without suffering when Shelly had to?

I had spent my time watching the team work to find his killer while I watched from the sidelines. I went back to the cold cases. Gibbs refused to even talk about the case in front of me; everything was discussed in Abby's lab. I was going crazy with curiosity.

I guess I should have suspected something when I received a call from Shelly's sister. I had kept in touch with the family through the years so I didn't think anything of it. At least not until she told me she was in town and wanted to see me. It was a fleeting thought really. I mean this was Delia, she was like family, and she wouldn't do such a thing. Would she?

I agreed to meet her after work in her hotel lobby. I never told the team she contacted me. I didn't tell them she wanted to meet me. I just couldn't believe she could have anything to do with Hastings death.

I knew her the moment I saw her. Delia and Shelly had always favored but now the resemblance was uncanny. We talked for a while reminiscing about Shelly, catching up on family and each other.

"I have something I need to show you, Tim," Delia spoke softly. "Can you come to my room for a moment?"

I paused and my gut was telling me something was wrong but it was Shelly's sister. We were practically family.

"Of course," I agreed.

We took the elevator to room 317 and I waited while she unlocked her door then motioned her to proceed. I turned to shut the door behind me.

I never saw it coming.

When I woke up I was on the floor with my hands tied behind my back. My mouth was gagged and Delia was sitting on the floor by my head. She was holding a gun. My brain was foggy and with the gag in my mouth I couldn't speak so I waited. I didn't wait long.

"It's your fault, you know," Delia started. "You and Hastings killed my sister."

I closed my eyes and shook my head but my actions only made her furious.

"Hastings was stupid and mean," she continued. "It was so easy to flirt a little with him, get him to take me home. I hated to sleep with him but I knew he would be too strong to overpower. I waited until he turned away and gave him the shot. I wish he could have been afraid, I wish he could have felt pain like I did, like Shelly did."

"At least he's dead," she said. "Just like you will be soon," she smiled.

I wanted to talk to her, to convince her that what she was doing was wrong. I could tell by the look in her eyes this was not the same sweet girl that used to follow Shelly and me around. There was a maniac look in her face, almost feverish in its intensity. Even if I could speak I don't think she would have heard me. She was too far gone. How could she be so normal downstairs and so insane and full of hate now?

"I didn't think you would ever forget her, Tim. But you did. You said you loved her and I thought it was true. You were so heartbroken when she died but look at you. You moved on, you don't remember her. How can you wake up everyday and go on with your life knowing that loving you killed her? If you had never moved there, if you had never loved her she would still be alive! You killed her just as much as Hastings did and you should die just like Hastings did," Delia screamed.

Furious she reached over and pulled the gag from my mouth, waiting for me to deny her charges. I couldn't.

I spoke softly to her. "You know when Shelly died I was devastated and I do think of her everyday. I think of her and the life she never got to have. I think of how beautiful she would have looked walking down the aisle to me. I think of the babies we would have made together."

"YOU LIE!" she screamed.

"No, Delia, I could never forget Shelly. I loved her, I still love her. But you are right; I am to blame for her death."

I closed my eyes again but this time she didn't scream at me. When I opened them she was watching me in confusion.

"There is not a day that goes by that I don't remember her. But you are right, if we had never loved each other she would have lived. She would have married someone else, had babies, been happy. I know that. I wish…I wish she had gotten to live the life she deserved. I'm so sorry that she didn't. I'm so sorry that you lost your sister, that your parents lost their child. I'm so sorry that I couldn't protect her, I couldn't save her," I continued softly.

"But I can't be sorry that we loved each other," I said as I looked her in the eyes. "How could I ever regret one moment spent loving her, being loved by her? You can kill me and I can't…. I won't stop you. But don't tell me I forgot her. I could never forget her," I finished.

She was silent. I couldn't tell if talking to her had made a difference but the pain and guilt I was feeling were both overwhelming. I didn't care anymore. She wanted to kill me and I wanted to die.

Time felt like it had stopped. Delia and I were both still sitting in the floor of her hotel room. I was still tied up but neither of us spoke. She was no longer pointing the gun at me; instead it was in her hand lying across her lap. She watched me but the anger was no longer there, in its place was a look of bone-deep sorrow. I knew the look. I had the same look in my own eyes for a long time after Shelly's death. It was the look of someone who knew their life would never be the same. Every moment of happiness would always be tainted with the knowledge that part of your life was missing, gone forever.

Without saying a word Delia stood slowly to her feet, laying the gun on the bed. She turned back to me and reached to untie the binds holding my hands. Once my hands were free she turned to walk away but I reached for her wrist and turned her back towards me.

Holding on to her wrist I stood and faced her. I should have been angry. I should have called Gibbs and told him I had found the killer. Instead I pulled her into my chest and held her while we both cried.

When the tears had been exhausted I had her lay on the bed while I called Gibbs to come to the hotel. She watched my face while I told him what had happened but she never spoke.

When the team arrived there was no relief for finding a killer only sorrow for another life damaged. Ducky had made a phone call to the hospital and arranged a really nice doctor to provide the care Delia needed. I was grateful for his gentle, caring manner. I knew Ducky would make sure she had everything she needed.

It took a lot of reassuring for the team to believe I was okay and didn't need a trip to the hospital myself. Gibbs explained that they had been come across evidence of Delia's involvement but had never expected her to come after me. They couldn't involve me in the case so I didn't realize the danger I had been walking in to.

I had to call Delia's parents. Gibbs had offered to do it but I needed to be the one. The call was heartbreaking but I needed to be able to tell them that when it came down to it she couldn't hurt me. That she had stopped, the daughter they loved was still there buried inside. I believed she could still be saved and would help them anyway I could. They had lost one daughter; I couldn't let them lose the other.

I stayed at the hospital with her until her family arrived. I sat by her bed but we never spoke. Jasper and Patsy Meeks were the picture of sadness as they entered their daughter's room. I stood from Delia's bedside and moved to the back wall while they both leaned down and kissed their daughter, telling her they loved her. Then they turned to me. I was afraid they would hate me, blame me but Patsy pulled me into a hug.

Patsy spoke softly, "Thank you, Tim. I'm so sorry."

"We'll get her the help she needs," Jasper whispered while clasping my shoulder in his wrinkled hand.

"If you need anything please call me," I told them. "You're still part of my family."

I turned to leave the room, leaving them to their daughter. I heard a soft voice call "Tim" when I had made it to the door. I turned back to Delia as she spoke, "I'm not sorry she got to love you."

I smiled and turned to leave. I made it to the hallway before my tears blinded me. My heart was breaking for Delia, for Patsy and Jasper and for the life that Shelly and I would never have together.

I was filled with sorrow for the love I had lost, regret that my search for someone else to make me feel loved and special the way Shelly had was in vain. I would never feel that love again. Someday I would fall in love once more but it would never be the same. A part of me would always be held back, the part that was hers.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around me from behind. Turning I saw Abby, the team behind her. Abby pulled me back into her arms and I cried.

I was going back to work today. After filling out my paperwork from Delia's case, I asked Gibbs for some time off. Both Gibbs and Director Vance agreed. I needed time to help the Meeks family but I needed time for myself as well.

I had to go home. My mom, dad and Sarah were all there; they helped me heal. Physically I was fine but emotionally I needed them. I needed to know things would be okay again. I'm very blessed with my family and I needed to be surrounded by their love. It always helps me.

I got off the elevator at work smiling as I heard Tony and Ziva arguing and Gibbs yelling at them to 'knock it off'. I could hear Ducky and Jimmy laughing and I saw Abby standing by my desk. I stopped and watched them all for a moment. I was grateful for the time spent with my parents and Sarah but I was also happy to be back with this part of my family too. The blood may be different but I knew I could always count of them to be there for me. Sure they may tease or sometimes make me mad but all families are like that.

Gibbs glanced up and saw me standing by the elevator. I waved and he smiled at me causing everyone else to turn and see me as well. I barely had time to brace myself before Abby threw herself in my arms. She pulled me to my desk and proceeding to give me the scoop on all I had missed during my week away. Her energy made me smile.

I glanced to each member of my team taking in the rapt expressions they each held on their faces. Tony laughing as he denied gluing Ziva's phone, Ziva smiling as she accused him, Ducky trying to mediate, Jimmy swearing he was 'staying out of it'.

When I glanced at Gibbs he was watching me. In his eyes I could see understanding; he knew what losing Shelly had done to me. He had survived even worse. Not only had he lost the woman he loved, he lost a child. The child they had made together. I knew if I asked him to, he would talk to me about it. Just like he knew I would never ask. Sometimes words aren't needed; sometimes just knowing someone else understands is enough.

The End.


End file.
